Mum of two?…
It’s still so crazy saying that out loud, mum of two, two dependents! Two little people in my case two little girls who are relying on me to keep them safe, clean, fed and happy, not too much pressure then after all!
My journey to a mum of one:
I always knew I wanted to be a mother, like most in a similar mindset (because not all want to be mothers) I had this great image of a blooming pregnancy with the glow and everything to go with it followed by cosy snuggles in a rocking chair in a dim-lit room where it was peaceful and I had my boob ready for on demand feeding. Well how wrong was I?! Not only could I not feed (story for another day) but after a pretty average pregnancy followed by a horrific labour resulting in an emergency c-section I was more the walking wounded in more ways than just physical than Mother Earth.
My first daughter Ivy taught me how to be a mother, that’s what first babies are for after all. However the road is not smooth, never have you had a tiny human demand every ounce of your being, or just screamed at you in the face because quite frankly they are a little pissed of for no reason that they really know of and therefore that makes your life difficult because lf they don’t know whats up then how do you fix it! Obviously there are reasons why one might be a little upset, a bit of a wet or dirty nappy? colic? reflux? hungry? or just plain old over tired because the very thought of closing their little eyes at a time that is convenient for both you and them is just clearly asking a little too much!
But lets not let me put you off such a wonderful gift because despite my motherhood reality there are so many wonderful things about becoming a mother. Never have you ever had a tiny little human look up to you with their innocent little eyes seeking that all is ok and that they are loved, Or the first smiles and giggles that tell you that your actually doing a good job or the very fact that they don’t wish to sleep because they just want to be with you because your their favourite! ( I don’t actually believe that last sentence, I genuinely believe they don’t want to sleep because you did something wrong in a previous life but I’m genuinely trying to give you some hope haha).
The very point of what I am trying to express to you is that mother hood hits you like a flat-iron to the face no matter who you are, even if you care to admit it or not. I remember many a time I walked into my living room, looked at my sweet baby and though “oh yes I had a baby” id of course never had a baby before and the reality was it really wasn’t going away. Many of times I cried to my house rabbit Molly feeling that I had let her down because she now hardly got any of my attention whilst messaging friends who had recently become new mothers to check I wasn’t the only one clearly losing my mind! It’s such an adjustment, everyday is something new, no two days are the same and those memories of that beautiful baby shower you had are now replaced with the realisation that in fact it wasn’t a party to celebrate the baby it was a big fat good-bye party to the life you had before!
I don’t regret my choice to be a mother at all, I think I like most was just a little blindsided by the woman walking with her new baby in the brand spanking new pram thinking she looked like she was living a life of bliss baby snuggles when really she had probably only had two hours of sleep and was probably wearing the last top in her wardrobe that hid her mum tum and that wasn’t covered in sick or poo for that matter whilst at home there was a mountain of laundry and really she was only walking because the dear little cherub would not sleep anywhere else!
My reality post Ivy was a case of Post natal depression, or post traumatic stress from the birth followed by the fact motherhood genuinely was a hard gig but im never sure which one, neither were diagnosed, i somewhat just muddled through with a lot of help from family. I honestly take my hat off to single mothers or those that manage motherhood with no real help from family because i honestly couldn’t have done it, that sometimes makes me feel like im not a real mum but im not ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help.
I of course adore my Ivy, as hard as it was she was the very best thing i ever did, she started off my journey to be a mother, taught me the real meaning of unconditional love and i know she knows when she looks at me that we have something each of us couldn’t have with anyone else, this super sonic love and bond that holds us together like somehow we are one because she grew inside me.
For those who already know a little about me you will know I have two of these little cherubs so clearly I wasn’t put off into doing it again because really there is nothing like being a mother, we give ourselves such a hard time and we are our own worst critics when look at everything we go through on or journey! Secretly we are all flipping Wonder Woman, it’s a hard gig motherhood, but you’ve got it and I’ve got it and most likely it comes in a bottle with bubbles or a glass with some lemon and tonic but what ever gets you through I salute you!
My journey to a mum of two coming soon…..